Tag: self-improvement

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Journey to Wholeness (V) I WILL–Root Chakra

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” –Soren Kierkegaard

This week is the Root or Coccygeal Chakra, located at the base of the spine or coccyx. It is connected to our physical self with survival (self-preservation and instincts) and security issues of relationships, finances, and food.

When the Root Chakra is open, we possess confidence, a sense of belonging, and the ability to stand up for ourselves. We demonstrate “backbone.” If closed or imbalanced, body issues—colds, fatigue, anemia, lower back pains, etc., isolation, depression, and constipation (physically and financially)–may manifest.

Activities relating to the physical world prime this Chakra. Jogging, gardening, exercise (and restful sleep), Yoga and Pilates, involvements with sports, and dancing help.

music and mindThe note “C,” and the utterance (toning) of “uh” as in bug, help balance and bring healing to this chakra, as does humming. Sound healing can also be achieved using tuning forks. After striking the fork on your knee, hold it over the chakra for several seconds. Just because you don’t hear its sound after a couple of seconds doesn’t mean it’s not vibrating. Wait before striking it again.

The color associated to the Root Chakra is red: red clothing, red room color, red gemstones (ruby, garnet, red jasper, etc.), red food and drink: red apples, cherries, pomegranates, beets, and their juices (KNUDSEN is an organic brand that doesn’t add sugars). And, you can eat red meat. Ar-r-r!  Season with Saffron. The hot spices of cayenne and Tabasco sauce will certainly plug you in to N-ER-G!

The “Golden Rule” or Karma governs this energy center. (Just in case you missed it…  http://conversationswithcynthia.com/2013/03/15/be-aware-of-karma-bang-bang-duck/ )

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Use your body as a “choice determining instrument.” (Depok Chopra) Its energy will inform you of the likelihood of your choice’s ability to meet your safety need or increase the threat. Listen to your body talk.

The single oil, Sandalwood #3509 (15ml $14.80), has the umbrella effect of safety and security under it branches. To help move forward confidently, diffuse Into The Future #3369 ($34.54 for 5ml retail or $26.25 member https://www.myyl.com/4wholeness), or “put in bathwater, apply over the heart, on wrists, neck, as a compress, and dilute with V-6 Oil for full- body massage.” (Reference Guide for Essential Oils-Connie and Alan Higley)

Though oils work differently on different people, by dropping one drop on each chakra (starting on the Root Chakra and working upward), diffusing into the air, or inhaling directly, Harmony #3351 ($91.78 retail, $69.75 member price https://www.myyl.com/4wholeness) opens the energy flow and balances ALL the electrical fields, and promotes physical and emotional wellness, among other benefits. It’s the best bang-for-your-buck.

Each week, I will progress up to the next chakra, one by one, to the Sacral, Solar Plexus, etc.

If you’d like to learn more about Young Living Essential Oils, email me or click here to purchase these oils or become a member for discounts https://www.myyl.com/4wholeness

Disclaimer: I am offering my insights and what has worked for me. This is not meant to diagnose, prescribe or treat any condition of the body. Always consult your health professional before changing any program. I am not legally responsible for anyone else’s thoughts, words, actions or ramifications of such. Quotes I have used, and books or information I have referenced are not indicative of their authors agreeing with or condoning my suggestions and approaches.

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Journey to Wholeness-“Are Chakras ‘New Age?'”

I’ve received some questions about Chakras, so before jumping in this week, I’m quoting from David Stewart’s article, “Are Chakras ‘New Age?’” (He’s a PhD who authored Healing Oils of The Bible.):

“Chakras are not ‘New Age.’ They are Old Age being rediscovered. They are mentioned in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. The Jews even have a symbolic representation for the seven Chakras in their Menorah of seven candles, the center one representing the heart chakra.

The first thing to understand is that we all possess an electromagnetic field in which our physical bodies are immersed. Even the medical and biological professions acknowledge that human beings have, not only a physical body of flesh and fluids, but also a subtle electromagnetic field upon which their physical body is superimposed.

Physicians measure your electromagnetic (EM) field to detect problems with your heart and brain by means of EKGs (Electrocardiograms) and EEGs (Electroencephalograms), but they don’t understand, nor utilize, the connections of our EM bodies to our physical bodies in a way to provide pathways to healing. They don’t understand that physical maladies, conditions, and sicknesses usually show up as irregularities in our EM field before they manifest physically. They are unaware of the connection between our minds and feelings to our electromagnetic field and how the condition of the EM Field affects our physical well-being.

Chakras are electromagnetic centers along the spine of our EM fields. They are the dynamic, functional organs of our EM body, which is a template that causes our physical bodies to materialize and manifest as it does. It is also through the EM Field that our physical bodies are energized and are enabled to maintain a healthy state directly from God’s consciousness.

The Bible says, in both Old and New Testaments, “Man shall not live by bread, alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” (Deut. 8:3 and Matt. 4:4) The phrase, “By every word…” is in reference to God’s constant and continuous vibrational energy that emanates from Him constantly, which permeates the universe omnipresently, and which maintains us as living, conscious beings. If God’s constant attention on his created worlds flickered, even for one second, the universe and everything in it, including us, would vanish. (Psalm 121:3-4) It is that subtle EM field, a living spark of Gods consciousness, that ignites the life of a new human being at conception, that provides the pattern for the union of a sperm and an egg from a man and a woman to assemble into a complete body, molecule by molecule, cell by cell, into a completely ordered physical form. Without the electromagnetic blueprint enshrouding the developing fetus in the womb, the dividing cells would not know into which organs to differentiate and arrange themselves to form a complete, functional living body. Without the electromagnetic body, we would have no physical body.

When we die from this physical form, we become aware of our EM body, which is a body of light and energy.

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Our bodies of light are usually not seen by us when we are living in the physical plane encased in flesh, but our etheric body becomes quite visible to us when we discard our material frame at death. The principal functional organs of your etheric body are the seven “chakras,” as they are called in Sanskrit in India. But the word, “chakra” in Sanskrit simply means “wheel.” This is appropriate since the chakras are all circular in appearance and contain geometric shapes and colors in their detail that could be likened to petals of a flower, spokes of a wheel, or points of a star. I prefer to call them “electromagnetic centers,” which are to our heavenly body what the various ganglionic centers are to our physical body. They are intelligent switching, coordinating, and routing centers for our electromagnetic (EM) bodies and perform functions that keep our physical bodies functioning in contact with God’s vital life force. Chakras are simply a part of our electromagnetic physiology.

We all have chakras or we wouldn’t be alive. To be fearful of the word chakra, or to be afraid to explore what they are and how they are a part of every human being, is like being afraid of your navel or your toe nails. They are essential features of your energetic anatomy.

Everyone has a set of seven chakras, be they Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheist, or whatever. Some religious systems recognize them and understand their spiritual implications and some don’t. But they are still there for everyone. The more you know and understand what they really are, the closer you can draw to God, whose essence is spirit. For example, in countries where the Eastern Orthodox Christian Church is prevalent, the chairs in the alter area of the church are narrow and have armrests that are high. When visiting one of these churches in Romania a few years ago, I was told that the high arm rests are for the priests to rest their elbows so they can close off their ears with their thumbs, shutting off physical outside sounds, in order to more easily hear the sounds of the chakras and commune with the Holy Spirit. They call it ‘sound meditation.’ Your electromagnetic field is simply a part of your human physiology.

Many people can see the energy bodies around others. Perhaps you have seen them yourself and weren’t sure what you were witnessing. Many can also hear the sounds made by the chakras from their own bodies (which I do).

Just as you can hear the sounds of your physical organs like your heart beating, your lungs breathing, or your digestive tract pushing through its contents, so sensitive people can hear the sounds of their astral bodies working.” ~David Stewart, PhD

For Dr. Stewart’s complete article, go here:  http://www.raindroptraining.com/messenger/v11n4.html#newage

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Journey to Wholeness: Background

If this is your first visit to “Conversations With Cynthia,” please check out last week’s introductory article for this series.

http://conversationswithcynthia.com/2014/01/03/journey-to-wholeness-introduction/

 Concerning the Chakras: The Chakras are the body’s energy centers located along the spine. These electromagnetic centers provide functions keeping our physical bodies alive.

Because they are Divinely sourced, some call our electromagnetic body our “spiritual body,” or “astral body.” The way I see it, they are whirling electromagnetic vapors from God’s life-giving breath resident within. In Truth, You are God’s address. HE IS resident within You.

Frequency

Envision the movement of a small firenado. In comparison, when our chakras are open, their flowing funnel of electromagnetic energy moves in a vortex, sparking physical, mental, and emotional health. Although there are more, seven are generally illustrated and discussed.

The first—Root Chakra—is located at the base of the spine and represents our foundation and feeling grounded; the second—Sacral Chakra—is in the lower abdomen, representing connection, with others and life experiences; the third—Solar Plexus Chakra—is in the upper abdomen, representative of confidence and feeling in-control of our life; the fourth—Heart Chakra, in the center of the chest above the heart, represents our ability to give and receive love; the fifth—Throat Chakra, at the throat, represents our ability to communicate; the sixth—Brow Chakra, on the forehead between the eyes, represents our ability to focus on the bigger picture; and the seventh—Crown Chakra, on the top center of the head, represents our ability to be connected spiritually.

Please understand, that when I use the word “health,” it’s not only physical. I quote from Mary Kurus’ article, “Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual Health.”

“It is only by dealing with each part of the whole within the whole, that we can have vital and energetic health. All organs, systems, thoughts, emotions, have their own specific energy or vibration.  Each organ vibrates at an energy specific to it alone.  Each piece of food or drink that we consume has its own vibration.  Each emotion has its own vibration.  Therefore what we feel, what we think, what we speak, eat and drink, have direct effect on our health.” (I discuss this in Part Two: As A Man Thinketh of my book, HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU, http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html )
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You’ve read that canned food has no vibration. That’s because there’s no life left in it. This is why I bring into the light the importance of understanding our whole, in order to BE whole!

Regarding essential oils: Any time I talk about using essential oils, I will only recommend Young Living’s (YL)! Why do I only use their oils? It is the only company with a “Seed to Seal” guarantee.

First, YL owns their own farms, globally. They monitor every aspect of how the oils are produced, from what goes into the soil to how it is bottled! They use organic seeds, the soil is nurtured with enzymes and organic fertilizers, watered with spring water, and weeded by hand. They harvest (flower, stem, leaves, root, bark, and/or resin) at the optimal time of day/season, and distill at low temperatures for the correct amount of time to get the primary benefits.

I know what I am using is 100% pure essential oil. I know what I use can be ingested, inhaled, or applied topically without harm to my body or others around me.

If you’re new to natural living, you may be wondering why I use essential oils? I’ve been into alternative medicine and ‘organic’ since my early twenties. The miraculous aspect of essential oils is their molecules are so tiny they penetrate past your skin, into your blood stream, through the walls of your cells, and are in every organ of your body in twenty minutes. When you inhale an essential oil, those same ultra-tiny molecules enter your lungs and brain and do the same thing! And, essential oils are 50-80% more powerful than herbs!

For other companies, any toxin in the oil from the farming and distillation process will also be inside that little bottle. Even if it says “Organic” on the label, the FDA “guidelines” for organic is only 3 drops of an essential oil per bottle! The mixture can be chemicals, preservatives, and perfumes. You have no idea if it was distilled at the right temperature or for the correct amount of time to be used for its healthful benefits. If the bottle says “DO NOT EAT. DO NOT INGEST” on it, do not put in on your body either! Read your labels! https://www.youngliving.org/4Wholeness

Next week, full throttle!!

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Journey to Wholeness-Introduction

I’ve reigned from my chariot for 37 years (40 at this edit). It’s not a record, but it’s up there. In my Memoir, Views From My Chariot http://booklocker.com/books/6235.html , I use what I’ve learned to encourage, educate, and inspire others in their walk with lots of humor, hope, and a section of how–tos.

My follow-up book, HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html, is a creative, doable, how–to be the best you, strewn with leads to discover, or recapture, your life’s purpose with passion and power to coddiwomple to your Bestdom. I finish with some tongue-in-cheek farcical facts, food fun, and playful puns.

In my “Color Me Red, Orange, and Yellow” chapter, I merely skimmed the surface of color’s influence on and importance to our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. In my “Journey to Wholeness” series, I will expound on these color’s influence of and importance to our true power system– our body’s energy centers or Chakras. I include how sound is therapeutic and offer alternative healing tips with Young Living EOs. http://conversationswithcynthia.com/the-essentials-2/ I will also add a few of my life-upgrade coaching self-help tools for more self-empowerment..

If you’re thinking chakras sound “New Age,” in TRUTH, our energy center’s colors originated from “The Old Man” – Sam Eddy. God liked them so much, He displayed their ordered colors in His kiss of promise: the rainbow!

For clarity, I reiterate how I live my life and what I profess: I’m a conservative Christian with unconventional experiences with God; God with a capital “G.” I believe in the eternal existence of I Am (before anything was), Who IMAGINEERED and SPOKE into creation the expanse of the universes and us–“who live and move and have our BEing” (Acts 17:28). We are His Inspir-a-tion (“inspire” breathe into; “-tion” action or process of doing something), housed in a physical body–His pulsing well-spring of Life.

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For awhile now, I’ve been involved with Young Living’s Essential oils and their benefits to my emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness, even for my cats. Thus said, I’m an investigative novice in body energy. I do know, ALL our life experiences are imprinted in our physical body systems and shout to us with attention-getting signs and dis-ease. Dis-ease, and those “buttons” we believe others push, are emotional memories knocking on the door of our consciousness. Awaiting our love and gratitude, they faithfully signal until we realize (see with real eyes) their message to transform our life. When all is well, awareness, health, wholeness, and vitality flow.

If your life purpose, direction, and vitality have waned or wearied, this series on empowerment is for you! It’s an invigorating B12 shot of health, hope, and wholeness!

(Normally, I keep my articles around 500-words, an easy-read. My second and third, the basis for my “Journey to Wholeness” series, will be longer.)

Until next week..

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The Power of SCI

What is cooperation?

Merriam-Webster.com says “cooperation” is: “(a) a situation in which people work together to do something, (b) the actions of someone who is being helpful by doing what is wanted or asked for.”

I hear disheartening reports of unmotivated SCIs, bitter about their circumstances, making life miserable for their families/caregivers. Not only are they unwilling and uncooperative to “work together” to get with the program—exercise, dressing, bowel and bladder, etc.—they resentfully and begrudgingly battle self-improvement, as well.

Because this character quality is lacking in so many able-bodied and disabled adults, I began explaining, talking about, and demonstrating lessons in cooperation to my grandniece when she was three years old. Teaching her skills for successful relationships is part of my contribution to her personal growth.

How is it that man is born with the reasoning capacity and capability for concerted cooperation, but it’s most often witnessed in the animal kingdom? It makes no sense; unlike the band of three bottlenose dolphins around Savannah, Georgia who work as a tactical unit.

The dolphin’s operation is to swim into the shallow tidal marshes. With their bodies, they patiently and strategically flush the herded fish onto shore. It’s life-threatening if one were to become marooned, but they risk it for food. They not only feed themselves, but also the egrets and gulls who have learned to rely on the dolphins.
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From this example, I’m comparing the ministry of caregivers who daily sacrifice their health for ours to that of the dolphin’s risk, and how we SCIs benefit from caregiving, to the egrets and gulls reliance on the dolphins.

Come on, SCIs. Let’s get with the program! Yes, it’s tough to lose physical independence. It’s the biggest bummer I know! No matter how hard you try to deny it, close your eyes to your needs, and barricade your heart from the disappointment, the situation remains. It’s time to accept the new reality of being dependent on others for things we took for granted prior to disability.

It doesn’t mean you’ve lost control of your life! (Look for the upcoming series on how to increase the power in your life for the New Year.) It just means that others may have to serve as your backbone, legs, and hands. You have control over the energy in the room, negative or positive.

For everyone’s health and happiness, make the decision to cooperate, “to work together to do something” beneficial for all. Become an enthusiastic member of the loving team working toward your rehabilitation and well-being. It’s within your power.

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SCI and Holes of Inadequacy

In the “Excuses” chapter of HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU, I told you the story of beginning a weeknight toddy habit with my mother, and how I was coerced into giving it up. It was after the fact that I realized its significance.

The initial teetotaler stage was hard; it got my attention. I wondered if I could have become an alcoholic if I hadn’t cut it out. I’d never been a “dependent” personality (even during my first couple of years of disability, I was working toward independence), but it made me ponder my feelings on the matter.

In order to get to my point…Some will say that I’m a little weird…maybe alotta’ weird, with what, when, how little, and how often I eat. I may eat lunch for breakfast then, lunch at 10:30am and again at 1:00 or 2:00pm, and even breakfast for dinner—which can be between 4:00 and 6:00pm.

I eat when I’m hungry which is pretty often; but I eat small portions because I feel satiated very quickly—another reason people think I’m weird: I don’t gorge. I detest that uncomfortable feeling!

The twain meet here. My toddy had to be around 4:00 or 5:00 while preparing dinner or waiting for its delivery. Once I eat, that’s it. Nada. Unless it’s water.

The significance of continuing our toddy habit after Mother passed away was my attempt to fill a social void. Mother was gone. After years of disability many friends have fallen by the wayside; those that have endured have families of their own and businesses to run. It was my “happy hour.”

The effect of SCI affects us differently. Whether it’s a loss of movement, a loss of freedom, or a loss of spontaneity, we’re dealing with the common denominator of loss.

Know this: the feeling of powerlessness can initiate addiction.

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In the moment you feel something is out of your control, what do you gravitate toward—think about, want to do, or physically need? That longing is an emotional, even physical, craving for worthiness. Subconsciously, we are trying to adjust to something that has slipped from our grasp.

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul, says you can stop the cycle of addiction by feeling your pain, lack, or loss. Each time you challenge your inadequacy—own it, face up to it, readjust, seek help—you get your control back, little by little.

It doesn’t have to be SCI loss. It can be habits of gossip, jealousy, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, shopping, gambling, loneliness…whatever. The situation you are trying to change may never change, but you can take control to change your thoughts and responses to them!

Be brave enough to ask yourself: When I…what hole of inadequacy am I trying to fill? What am I longing for?

Whatever unhealthy thing you’re doing to feel like you’re getting your power back is a smoke screen and a procrastination of truly taking back your control? Every temptation is an opportunity for a dress rehearsal for a life change OR a repeat of consequences. Make a responsible choice.

You’re worth it.

YOU CAN!

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Enlightened Mind Thoughts

We know ourselves only to the extent of our mind and spirit’s enlightenment. Tragically, most of us have no idea that we are triune beings—mind, body, and spirit or soul. Especially those of us living with a disability, when our body has taken a leave of absence. It’s an automatic separation of body and mind. As a result, we exalt the mind.

As the saying goes, “Give an inch; take a mile,” the mind begins its domination over the body and soul with its analyzing, judgements, and control tactics, sabotaging peaceful resolve with its endless mental commentary about everyone and everything.

Insinuating that its analytics are supreme, the mind stealthily convinces you to believe your thoughts, good or bad, about self-worth and behavior. It rationalizes and excuses guileful motivations, unkind words, and hateful actions because we haven’t dealt with our feelings; and at worst, we’re convinced our behaviors are deserved retribution for other’s perceived wrongs.

The mind’s battle rages, further maiming our lives by confusion, fear, doubt, and concurrent physical maladies.

Deceived, we think that these thoughts are true. In truth, they are mere thoughts, often misguided and out-of-control. If the premise of “What Women Want” were true, we would all be committed or imprisoned by our thought life! Here are three truths concerning your thoughts:

The first is that you are not your thinking.

Your thoughts try to supervise, manage, regulate, and make sense of your environment. Many poor decisions are reached through subliminal thinking, meaning: we’re oblivious to the process of our thought streams. They’re rabbit trails!

When we attempt considering the pros and cons of our options, we have no idea how we reached the destination of decision. In hindsight, have you ever been perplexed by how you arrived at a particular conclusion?

The second truth is that you can delete, rewrite, copy and paste your thoughts.

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The mind should be subservient to the spirit. Don’t allow your mind to use you. Use your mind for developing constructive thought patterns. Practice visualization to uplift your spirit, and meditation and prayer to bring rest and health to your body. http://conversationswithcynthia.com/2012/09/14/soul-soaring-n…elchair-needed/   ‎

The third truth, as I see it, is that the spirit does not die. It lives on after our physical body expires.

Your deeper spiritual self should tutor your mind, not vice versa. Make time each day to turn off the TV, Twitter, Facebook, your Blackberry. Still your mind. Get in touch with your higher consciousness–your spirit. Breathe in peace. Breathe out stress. Let it go.

Alzheimer’s and dementia are evidence that mind over matter isn’t always the path to enlightenment. Like the rest of us, they’re created in the image of God, yet their mind is gone.

You are NOT your mind. You are bigger than your thinking. Quiet your mind’s incessant chatter. Let your spirit claim its role to rule.

For some light-hearted humor about my thoughts trying to railroad my thinking, read http://conversationswithcynthia.com/2012/07/12/disabled-or-enabled-thoughts/

For more on how to change negative thought patterns, you can PURCHASE my book, HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU, HERE http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html.

I’m open for reviews!

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Beware: Karma-BANG! BANG! DUCK!

We’re all familiar with the Eastern philosophy of karma: the inevitable action of bringing upon oneself results, good or bad, of our own actions, or “What goes around, comes around.” Here in the Bible Belt, it’s referred to as “The Golden Rule”: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What personal messages (PM) are you sending out…that inevitably come back to you?

Optimistically, we are always kind (in word and deed), patient, sympathetic, and loving, to the Nth degree. SURE!

In all honesty, you KNOW there are times when you deliver impatient, arrogant, and hateful PMs in a variety of ways: in exasperating return lines, home interruptions by telemarketers, misunderstood orders by outsourced telephone assistants, garbled orders (and prices) in drive-thru food services, road rage reactions, frustratingly persnickety family members, and sadly, on-and-on.

My question is not only to those of you adjusting to disability, but to anyone wondering why life seems to always give you lemons: What boomerangs back at regular intervals in your life? Misunderstandings; relational discord; exclusion from social gatherings; perpetually being over-looked for that promotion; constipated cash flow; recurrent health issues; bad luck? If any of these strikes a cord, you may be the one plucking it.

I’ll illustrate my point with the analogy of ammunition. Much like shooting a shotgun, unresolved issues detonate emotions. There may be lots of issues/pellets loaded into the shell (repressed emotions) or one big issue/slug (volatile emotions). Wrapped in the subconscious, they lay loaded, cocked, and waiting to explode their charge.

When the specific volatile and toxic emotion is triggered, a single projectile of words or actions like the metal slug, or lesser bullet, is aimed to murder its downrange target. Always looking out for a particular perpetrator’s profile, this person is ever-conscious of their injury. This is a stalker/predator hunting style. Vengeance is theirs.
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Then, like the number of smaller pellets wrapped inside a shotgun shell, are the more common repressed emotions from childhood, adolescence, and/or adjustment issues. They have become so enmeshed in our temperaments and relational styles that the emotion triggered is associated with a personal affront or putdown.

In a compulsive need for self-defense, and in ignorance to the cause and effect, the disabled and the able-bodied alike shoot off verbal ballistics. BANG! BANG! Stinging words scatter; more whelped offenses. Remember: What you sow, you will reap.

In PART TWO of my book, HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html,
I offer a strategy of brain exercises to train your out of shape, disabled brain. You will learn to strengthen those flabby mental muscles that have offered no resistance to out-of-control thoughts. You will realize their continued circuitry—mulling them over and over and over in your mind, fires up the same emotions as the original words/action/offense did.

DUCK!

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Heart Worms

The first of January before kindergarten resumed, I invited a playmate over for my 6 year old grand niece. Upon Mac’s arrival, North Hope gave a narrated tour of my home. For the next hour-and-a-half, they shared a couple of their favorite toys, wrote their names and drew pictures with chalk on my driveway, played indoor croquet then, took turns hobbling around using the mallets as cruthes. They stopped for a snack and, afterwards, went their separate ways—one on his Leapfrog, the other on her Kindle.

While the grandmother and I were talking, I overheard an unkind tone in my grand niece’s voice. Her guest had asked if he could play the ‘Angry Birds’ game on her Kindle. She angrily said, “No! I’m watching Rapunzel.”

I intervened.

After her 3 interruptions of “but” while I tried to explain sharing, I said, “North, your ‘buts’ are excuses. Listen with your ears and your heart. Mac is about to leave. Put your movie on pause and let him play the game for a minute. You can finish watching it after he leaves.”

She countered, “But, my heart doesn’t want to.”

That’s not what I wanted to hear, but it’s all I needed to hear: A heart speaking its truth.

To North, I said: “Sometimes, the result of getting what we want right now is harder on us than the temporary sacrifice.”

And to Mac: “I’m sorry, Mac. It’s her Kindle, and she has chosen not to share.”

As he left, he spied a baby lizard in my rock garden and ran in to ask North if she wanted to see it. Offense forgotten, they excitedly ran out together to share nature.
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I am a firm believer in allowing everyone, especially children, the choice to do what their heart dictates. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not propounding to follow your own will as did Freud and Watson, and I’m not trying to be Dr. Spock or even PC, unless it’s polite consideration—simple decency—compounded with cooperation.

As children, if we’re not taught to be considerate of another’s person, feelings, and property, and how to cooperate in action and deed, as adults we’ll be irritable, hateful rascals to live with; much worse to care for with a SCI or some other life interruption.

How often do we do things our heart doesn’t want to do and are riddled with resentments thereafter? The service rendered is half-hearted (usually with tangible attitude), and the recipient senses the inconvenience. No one is blessed. Everyone suffers!

Whether you’re disabled or able-bodied, do what you do—profession, family responsibilities, errands, exercise, church, charity, or care-giving—because it’s in your heart to do it; not because someone expects, requests, requires, or needs it.

If you find yourself murmuring about any of the above or accusing someone else for your unhappiness or their lack of appreciating you, you may want to re-evaluate your expectations, intentions, and motivations for doing whatever you’ve enlisted for or agreed to do.

In this case, martyrdom is self-inflicted. It will never meet an expectation of appreciation, an intention to gain attention, favor, and praise or a motivation for approbation.

Contentment and peace come from a heart given to what it gives and does, freely; not from a heart riddled with holes from the worm of resentment.

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I Can Hear With My Eyes Closed

Although it sounds like one, this title is not a “Yogi-ism.” Periodically, don’t we all think like this: that we know more than we do because we’re blind to our offensive behaviors; especially when in the throes of a disabling adjustment?  Where is the disconnect?

I think we can be so self-deluded that we perceive our weaknesses as strengths and our ignorance as wisdom. You don’t know what you don’t know, right? These are our blind spots.

For example: When I moved to Alabama after my SCI, I believed my arrogance was confidence.  It took a friend to tell me, “Cynthia, you think you are God’s gift to Tuscaloosa, but you’re the turd in the punch bowl.” OUCH!

Here me now: If you don’t learn humility, you will be the burr under someone’s saddle and a lot of buckin’ will be goin’ on! Relationships get broken by this rodeo habit.

Un-deniably, our families and long-time friends see us through glasses of our past encumbrances, and hear our weaknesses through ear trumpets[1] (or Bluetooth if you’re technologically current), blind and deaf to the positive progressive changes.

Why? Because they’ve been there observing us through our childhood and adolescent stupidities, poor decisions, irresponsible words, and adult hang-ups.

It takes seven positives to negate one negative. That takes a lot of work; for what?  A family member to ask accusatively concerning positive change in your life, “When did YOU start blah-blah-blahing?” You know, as well as I do, that family suffers short-term memory loss but are champions of long-term memories. Just sayin’….

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It’s difficult enough keeping open communication and trying not to offend in a “normal” relationship. So, what to do when tragedy strikes you or one you love, specifically with SCI?

It isn’t easy and it isn’t simple. It may be complex but it shouldn’t be complicated. (Go to Webster for definitions if you’re puzzled.) When things start to become complicated in my life, I re-evaluate my plan, my intention, and/or my motivation.

Since “it takes a village” for me to independently live my life, if someone who volunteers to help in some capacity has a conflict, or arrangements aren’t squaring up, or I judge that something isn’t important enough to do at that time, I cancel the plan. My wants do not trump another’s ease of living. Too much inconvenience is TOO MUCH.

There are always considerations when living with a disability. Keep your eyes and ears open. Like the title implies, many times there are discrepancies between what we THINK we see and what we THINK we hear.

Open your eyes. It facilitates hearing the truth.

[1] Ear trumpets showed up in the 17th century. (Beethoven used them in his hearing decline.) Because of the stigma associated to old age, they were hidden in fans, walking sticks, and even camouflaged in jewelry.