My Pearl

I want to take you on an historic walk along the scenic ocean shore. Please, bear with my analogies. (I could have said “Bare with…” which means “get naked”…do what you will to get in the mood:))

It has never been my thing to talk a lot, particularly about myself. Solitude is, and has been, my oyster shell. Solitude remains a harboring place and cultivating bay for me.

 

Still waters

The sands of time have rudely, but mercifully, exfoliated the overgrowth of barnacles and parasites that have tried to infect the pearl God so caringly implanted inside me. In spite of or because of these rhythmic disturbances in my cultivation, my pearl has finally been harvested. It remains in the polishing stage, but its color and luster are appearing.

My voice, silenced since childhood, is my pearl. And like a ventriloquist, I talk with my hands; more specifically, my middle finger. NO, I’m not talking birds; I type with my middle finger.

I’m a slow southern talker of about 8 words a minute. I’ve been talking steadily for a while now but am still treading water in this social media thing. My cyber synapses are sparking to catch up with my speedy Gonzales fingers. ARRIBA!
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My first book has been out since June, and I’m tweaking my second. My first children’s book will be out late winter or first of the year. I post each Friday on this blog, AND the first week of each month, I update at www.facebook.com/ConversationsWithCynthia. I’m going to talk your eyes out of your head.

Of course, you can’t “like” my first book, Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity, until you actually read it. You can PURCHASE it at http://booklocker.com/books/6235.htmlthen, let’s talk.

Please leave me a comment or review after my June 21, 2012 article, “Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity IS HERE!”

Talk to you soon.

 

Wheelchair Derailment

As with any permanent disability (even a temporary impairment, illness, or disease), the path we were traveling diverges into an unfamiliar one. We don’t plan on, nor are prepared for, these life interruptions. So, what to do?

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler’s book, The Five Stages of Grief is a recommended read for understanding the emotional processes we journey through in order to reach the stage of acceptance. Whether it is death, disease, disability, illness, or a disaster, these stages are for anyone going through a significant loss.

Not everyone dealing with a life-altering or life-threatening issue will experience all five stages, and the stages may not occur in this particular order. As a “one-up” for anyone confronted with a traumatic event, I will vastly condense these five stages until you can read it for yourself.

1.Denial                                                                                                                                   “I’ll be fine.” “There’s been a mistake.” Something overwhelming has happened and a state of shock ensues. We’re uncertain if we can cope with this new reality, if we want to, or even why we should. Denial helps us pace our grief. As we ask, “Why?” and “Why me?” we begin the healing process.

2.Anger                                                                                                                                    Pain is disguised behind anger. Because we feel separated from normalcy by our predicament, anger connects us to something or someone—no matter how misguided. Some direct the anger at themselves; others may verbally abuse loved ones, even lash out physically. If you are family or a friend, wear an emotional bullet-proof vest or helmet for the duration. It isn’t personal.

3.Bargaining                                                                                                                               “If only” and “What if” lock us into the past where we were once safe; this allows us to time travel, back and forth, in our hurt. Bargaining is not sustainable.

4.Depression                                                                                                                               Sadness is a natural response to a loss, and the emotional detachment from life is evidence that we are looking reality in the face; but, this is not the time to try to cheer us up. However, with prolonged hopelessness, irrational or unrealistic thoughts, loss of appetite, and excessive sleep, professional intervention may be needed.

5.Acceptance                                                                                                                               Accepting a temporary or permanent condition does not mean that we believe it is an okay reality. It just means that we realize we must readjust, reorganize, and relearn to live life in a different way.

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Once we’ve made it to acceptance, there will be occasional sadness and frustration. That’s being real. Then, it’s time to think about the future. Can you do something now to get back on the track you were traveling before? If so, go for it!

I went back into speech and language pathology, with a twist. I worked with the regular population before my disability; afterward, I worked in special education. An added benefit during my adjustment was that the workplace was accessible.

If that part of your life is over, try new things. In our PC world, there is a multitude of home-based opportunities. Just don’t allow a rut to form—physically or mentally.

After ten years, I began counseling and writing. After that, I used my interior design to start a business and kept writing.  Early this summer, my first book is coming out! My life is still under construction, and my ideas continue paving new roads to travel.

Pay attention to the pop-ups on your mental screen. Is it something you regret passing up, or something you sacrificed? Is it on your bucket list, or is it a pie in the sky idea you dismissed and never reached for? They could be trying to tell you something.

“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” (Proverb)

It’s never too late to get back on a dream’s track.

The F-word

When I was nine, my younger sister asked my mother, “What does f*** mean?” Mother asked me to leave the room while she explained its meaning, but I listened. (Inquiring minds need to know.) That was the first time I had heard the word.

I have since read various postulations of its origin: An acronym for the King of England’s consent for a married couple to procreate, an acronym labeling a prosecuted prostitute, or an acronym for an unlawful, sexual attack. Most probably, it arrived in the 15th Century from the Dutch or Low German language, fully formed, and not from the swearing Irish.

Less sensational than this four-letter word’s questionable etymology, but equally misunderstood, is the F-word I’m talking about: Flexibility. It isn’t a vulgarity, although many consider it a dirty word.

Before my disability, I did things when I wanted, where I wanted, how I wanted, with whom I wanted, and because I wanted to. If I wanted to explore, I searched country roads to discover their secret destinations or strolled through secluded graveyards imagining the mysterious deaths. When I wanted to socialize, I gathered with friends, went shopping, danced and listened to music, or participated in sports. All of these are spontaneous freedoms. Once confined to a wheelchair, I had to learn to be flexible.

In living with a disability, I consider flexibility to be my lifeline.

Merriam-Webster defines lifeline as 1:“a line…used for saving or preserving life…to keep contact with a person…in a dangerous or potentially dangerous situation” and 2: “something regarded as indispensable for the maintaining…of life.” The way I see it, hired caregivers or family, friend, and neighbor volunteers are our lifelines assisting us in maintaining our health and preserving our quality of life.
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I live independently, but I happily anticipate the weekly and bi-monthly help from my girl Friday and housekeeper. (Learn about the village that keeps me independent in the “It’s a beautiful day in my neighborhood” chapter of my upcoming book Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity.)

My “village” helps me with miscellaneous errands, grocery shopping, pet trips to the veterinarian, keeping a clean house, etc.; they sacrificially work me into their schedules. And yes, there are times that their availability interrupts my schedule. Beggars can’t be choosers. What is a little inconvenience when it is my needs (or wants) being met? For that matter, being flexible is a consideration of someone else.

Knowing that I am clay in His hands keeps me malleable. I can’t be broken if I am adaptable and pliable; and gratitude insures my flexibility.

Have you been rigid and staid in your time table? What are your thoughts on the F-word? (the one with eleven letters)

Wheelchair Exercises

What to do when we want to stay in shape but aren’t physically able to enjoy Zumba fitness, or stretch with yoga, or go for a cardio work-out in spin class? Whether we are disabled from SCI (spinal cord injury), spina bifida, CP (cerebral palsy), an illness, disease, or stroke, there are options for retaining flexibility and maintaining as healthy a body as possible.

I believe we are what we eat, so I’m not a proponent of fried or fast foods, soft drinks, or sugar-laden anything. Not that I never indulge in KFC’s chicken livers (maybe once a year), or a Sonic Jr. jalapeño burger with a small order of onion rings (maybe once or twice a year, and I’m overdue), but I know that my body thanks me with excellent health and more than sufficient energy by eating responsibly.

Until you experience the benefits and are sincerely given to healthy choices, it will require discipline and serious denial to the dictatorial cravings. Aren’t you so-o-o encouraged and just can’t wait to be healthy? It’s like when fasting all I think about is FOOD or that recipe I anticipate preparing.

Diet aside, let me mention a few simple warm-up exercises to stretch and encourage blood flow to our masterful muscles and Mensa minds. Make sure you have adjusted to your new body, know its idiosyncrasies, and check with your PT or doctor before enbarking on new techniques.

By far, one of my easiest exercises for stretching Achilles tendons, calves and ham strings is by using the OPTP strap. It is 72”L x 1”W, sewn together at 7” intervals, rendering 10 loops—perfect for any height.

I place my feet on my bed (any furniture wheelchair height will suffice), wrap one loop around the ball of my foot, wrap my wrist through the loop reaching my upper thigh, then pull. After a few stretches, I lean forward over my lap to increase the stretch. Make sure you are balanced so not to fall forward or sideways. This strap is $17.95 and is available at 1-800-367-7393.

I have an unconventional method for stretching my back, but it pop, pop, pops—just right. I back up against an open door, center the door jamb against my spine, and push my wheelchair tires backward as I press my back against the jamb. For a horizontal lying-in-bed position, I simultaneously press the back of my head and my bent elbows against the mattress (no pillow).

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For a simple yet ingeniously engineered devise that relieves stress, increases blood flow to the musculoskeletal system, stretches, and realigns vertebrae, I have a True Back.

By their description, it is “…a non-powered orthopedic traction device.” and it is my favorite. (I include a complete chapter in my book, Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity, on assistive aides, equipment, and such devices. It weighs 4 pounds and measures 24”L x 10”W x 4”D, at its deepest. Each end has a different angled incline; one is for less traction, and the other is for more.

If you are ambulatory, you can put it on the floor at home or, if you prefer, at the office; I put mine in bed with me.

While sitting up with legs outstretched, I slide one end against my buttock—centered for my spine to rest between its two undulated rails–then, slowly lie back over its length. I place a pillow under my head to protect it from the uncomfortable, hard wood and to lessen the stress on my neck.

There have been slight changes made in its design since I bought mine (They now offer a vibrating version.), but it can be purchased for $69.95 (with a free comfort pillow) at www.trueback.com or call 1-800-630-3372.

Does this help? What works for you?