living with disability-cynthia white – Page 4

August 15, 2014August 15, 2014

Don’t Stay Stuck

Whether disabled or able-bodied, discovering the direction/focus for your lives, your dreams, and your career is different for each of us. The answer can only be found in a deep soul search. “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.” (Proverbs 25:2). Don’t stay stuck! The tragedy that beset Robin Williams is another wake-up call. Seek solutions. Seek help.

After coming to grips with my physical changes and limitations and, psychologically, learning to view my wheelchair as my chariot (http://booklocker.com/books/6235.html Views From My Chariot) my emotional journey to wholeness began. It wasn’t wholly in finding adjustment to my disability; I realized there were unresolved issues from my childhood and early adulthood. In retrospect, here’s where my wheels truly hit the road.

A quote from Brene Brown…

“Dr. Shelley Uram, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, explains that most of us think of traumatic events as big events (like wrecks and disasters). But, Dr. Uram points out that we tend not to recognize the small, quiet traumas that often trigger the same brain-survival reaction.

After studying Dr. Uram’s work, I believe it’s possible that many of our early shame experiences, especially with parents and caregivers, were stored in our brains as traumas. That is why we often have such painful bodily reactions when we feel criticized, ridiculed, rejected, and shamed.

Dr. Uram explains that the brain does not differentiate between overt, or big trauma, and covert, or small, quiet trauma—it just registers the event as a threat that we can’t control.” ~Brene Brown

Relative to our emotional, mental, and spiritual states, studies show that our brains emit specific brain wave frequencies. In agreement with Brene Brown, Kari Browning states:

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“Any number of things can affect our frequencies and cause them to become out of tune, such as stress or a traumatic experience. Just as a guitar needs to be tuned from time to time, our body is the same way. Your body can be tuned to achieve optimal physical balance.

For instance, tapping two tuning forks will instantaneously alter your body’s biochemistry and bring your nervous system, muscle tone and organs into harmonic balance. In seconds, your body enters a deep state of relaxation.

We are constantly being vibrated, on a cellular level, by heard and unheard sound frequencies. Our emotions also have frequencies. Toxic emotions can get trapped on a cellular level and lower our overall body frequency. Disease results when a part of our body begins to vibrate out of harmony with the rest.

If you’re interested in learning about using the natural healing methods of essential oils, sound, and frequency for your spirit, soul and body to come into a place of wholeness, make reservations for our upcoming seminar on Saturday, October 3 in Northport, Alabama. Kari Browning, JoAnne McFatter, and Bryan and Cindy Culpeper will be teaching.

For ticket purchase, location, and seating availability, contact me at Cynthia.white@ah-haventures

For interest in managing pain and/or illness, mental clarity, emotional balance, spiritual enhancement, everyday “bumps-in-the-road,” etc., you can also contact me at Cynthia.white@ah-haventures

August 8, 2014August 8, 2014

Live in Color

“You’ve got to give a little, take a little,
and let your poor heart break a little,
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.—“The Glory of Love”

Until we get it down, sometimes love hurts. Sometimes, it causes heartbreak. But, it’s no reason to stop loving. Love expresses itself in a rainbow of colors. Remember: you’re a masterpiece in progress.

Painting your masterpiece can be messy. But, don’t be afraid of making errors—“coloring outside the lines.” Running paint, drip marks, and scattered splashes have taken on a whole new expression lately. Express your individuality. Throw all the colorful experiences you can on your life canvas!

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The fear of heart ache and the regret of not loving are equally devastating. It wastes a life, and fades your canvas, worse than having loved and lost.

At all risk, waste your love. Live out loud, in fantastic color!

AFFIRM: “Even when broken, I AM whole. My days are beautiful. I live a colorful, abundant life. I AM His loving, resplendent masterpiece.”

August 1, 2014

BOOYAH for God!

This is a BOOYAH (my fist is clenched, elbow at 90 degrees…I’m pumping down) for God!

I’ve wanted an inviting back yard for-E-VER, but something more important always pressed into the forefront. This year, I decided: it was “tha year.” I began calling landscapers, giving my detailed vision.

The first said he was in. (Well, truthfully, who wouldn’t be?! I have the most beautiful, relaxing natural observatory for avians, mammals, you-name-it. I’m wrapped in a wood on 3 sides, with a stream running through it. You can read about my sanctuary in Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity http://booklocker.com/books/6235.html ) Three weeks after no return responses to my calls, I moved on.

Second: Mr. No Personality tells me everything that wouldn’t work…“It just want work!”

Third time’s charm, and IS charming…ly married. Moving on…

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Within 5 minutes, he had solutions to my naysayers non-imaginative, “It want work.” as well as, THE stone bench I wanted…for half the price.

Moral of the story: If you’re in-tune, and in-tuitive, timing is everything! TIME: The Imminent—“close in time” (be patient not to jump at the first option)—Moments of Energy cast illumination/direction on your path.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my pathway.” Psalm 119:105 (ISV)

AFFIRM: “Lord, Your faithfulness is new EVERY morning; GREAT is Your faithfulness!” (Lamentations 3:23)

July 18, 2014July 18, 2014

It’s a Miracle, Really!

Recently, a writer/friend, Jim Croft, was encouraging us to: “Obey God by following your passion for ministry.” I ditto that! God’s heart (our passion/calling) will flow from our blessed niche.

One of my “flows” is when writing. As thoughts and concepts pour, it seems like there’s a different person in my head. Well, it sort of is…and isn’t, but I’m mindfully, prayerfully, transitioning into the whole, which is the point of this musing: to be all that I am, all of the time. To get there, I need to go to miracles. (You understand my trails, so mentally bookmark “to be all that I am, all of the time.”)

To me, a miracle is a perception.

“Perception: a capacity for comprehension…consciousness (obsolete)” ~Merriam-Webster.com

“Consciousness: the condition of being conscious…the normal state of being awake and able to understand what is happening around you” ~Merriam-Webster.com

We miss miracles, every day, because we’re preoccupied with the next thing, distracted from the present, “(un)able to understand what is happening around…;”unperceiving. But, when we’re actively “awake,” looking for them, here’s what can happen:

My regular hairstylist (across the street) was out of town, so I called another for a home visit. She was on vacation, but said she would be available to me on a certain day.

After our meet-and-greet, I instructed her to layer my hair in the back—to give volume to my flat back-of-the-head (my mother was really busy and didn’t remember, or didn’t know, to re-position my head during sleep in infancy). She informed me of her healing ministry, and with my permission, started laying her hands A-L-L over my head, feeling, praying, waiting.
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For an hour, we ooh and aahed at God moving my skull. I could feel heat and tingling as it expanded, rounded, even smoothed out the bumpy 100-stitch boomerang scar—from the hairline of my right temple, up the temporal bone, around to the parietal and down 2-3 inches. (Since my wreck/SCI injury, I’ve had to part my hair on the left, so that my hair fullness would fall over/conceal the slight concave of my right parietal area.)

Prior to my calling her, she knew of my disability. Although she was on vacation, and doesn’t normally do house calls, she was awake to her ministry, and perceptive to God’s desire to pour out His love on me. She made herself available.

Back to me, “to be all that I am, all of the time.” Several times she cupped her hands around the upper sides of my head—the parietal lobes where words are transferred into thoughts (the mass of my scar). When she prayed for the correction of my faulty skull DNA, I asked for cellular repair!

In my July 2^nd “Cyndex,” I confessed to disrupted synapses. Not only is my head now wonderfully round, but I’m also expecting fluidity in my expressions!!!

God LOVES to confound the “wise” with “foolish” things. (I Corinthians 1:27)

AFFIRM: “Lord, use me today. I’m available. Awaken my sleeping ears and slumbering spirit. My soul thirsts for You.”

July 11, 2014August 26, 2014

It’s My Right To Be Wrong

Is it wrong to be right? That depends.

Being knowledgeable, educated, and informed is admirable. Having to always be right is wrong. Not only is it a character flaw, it’s irritating as hell to others! I know. I mean, I know I’m right. I mean…wait. Let me explain.

I was so consumed with being right that I didn’t see how I was affecting others. I just thought they were copping an attitude because they were wrong. To compound my condition, “not being wrong” trumped “being right.” Anyway, we all know: nobody likes a smarty-pants, a know-it-all.

Pathetically, I didn’t consider myself to be a know-it-all; I just thought I was always right. It’s called “a blind spot.” For me, it was one of many. The incident that triggered my most notorious delusion was a road trip.

I was reared in Tennessee, attended college in Mississippi, lived and worked in Mississippi, Illinois, and Colorado until I moved back south to Alabama. On the first trip traveling north to visit my parents in West Tennessee, a mysterious incidence occurred to us, my sister and me, pairofabnormals.

The journey involves driving west across the Alabama border into Columbus, Mississippi. At Columbus, we turn due north, where “magnetic (compass) north” and “geographical (true) north” are exactly the same, toward which we continue through Tupelo (yes, the birthplace of Elvis), then Corinth, and up into Jackson, Tennessee before arriving in Martin, our hometown. It was upon entering the small town of Tupelo that my compass went haywire.

Although we followed the road signs, we found ourselves on the road back to Alabama. We circled back in our autocraft to the city’s entrance and tried it again, paying closer attention.

Flabbergasted, we found ourselves back on the vexingly familiar road to Alabama. From our prior practice runs, we recognized the Tupelo exit and frantically veered for it before it was too late.

This time, my navigational skills kicked in. I knew we were headed north. For us to have persisted in circling Tupelo, we must have been turning back west to end up returning south, so I offered this sage advice to calculate east: “Follow the sun because it sets in the east.”

Well, there are two things you can’t take back: childbirth and your words. Now, it is written!
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We finally found our way out. But, on our second and third trips back to Tennessee, we experienced what we have respectfully labeled “The Tupelo Triangle” again, and again. Now, the interstate bi-passes Tupelo, but I suffer déjà vu just at the thought.

I’ve been humble, and I’ve been humbled. Hmmm. Do I want to be right or have satisfying relationships? It’s a heart choice. In truth, I was hiding my insecurity behind the mask of confidence. The masquerade translated into arrogance.

You know: When being confronted by arrogance, it’s like a burr under a saddle? Woe, Nellie!

I’ve learned that it’s not important to have the last word, to know all the answers, or to appear to be more than I am. What matters is other’s feelings and doing my best not to cause offense.

My feelings don’t suffer anymore when I’m wrong; though when I am, it’s always good for a laugh. In fact, stroking my ego is a thing of the past. Toot, toot! Ooops…

Even now, sometimes when I’m wrong, my sister loves to remind me: “The sun sets in the east.”

“East is east and west is west, And the wrong one I have chose.” (song “Buttons and Bows”)

WHEREVER!

June 27, 2014June 27, 2014

“Cactus” and Bullwinkle

Getting ready for The Fourth?

No permit needed for this “fire” arm. It would’ve been perfect for my hunter Dad, “Cactus.” He and his hunting buddies bragged over strong Maker’s Mark. But, NO bragging, my dad was a reMARKable marksman!

“Cactus” is a legend in my neck-of-the-woods. Particularly, the part of his 2 daughters being photographed sitting in “Bullwinkle’s” palmates. (Anyone know of the pics’ whereabouts?) This guy is so-o-o big, it takes double loading doors to maneuver him indoors! The only place we could view him was at our local pool hall.

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Daddy taught me how to “lead” dove for an accurate shoot (and my bag limit); how to draw my bow, and aim my arrow, for a “bull’s eye.” But, what I inherited from my dad was a love of nature.

Despite his kill-it-and-eat-it testosterone, I was tuned in to Earth, God, the Universes, and human consciousness of ALL. I’m gratefully aware of my finite self, who is infinitely a part of I AM.

Are you?

You can be more impressed with my Daniel Boone-ish dad in the “That Was Then” chapter of Views From My Chariot: A Wheelchair Oddity http://booklocker.com/books/6235.html

June 13, 2014June 13, 2014

Think Healthy Thoughts

For me, minoring in psychology was like a baby rocking on its stomach to strengthen its back muscles to walk. It was my foundation for counseling, something I see as strengthening others (myself included) to “walk” into wholeness. Becoming a certified counselor through Elijah House gave me the tools for transformation—visualization, going back to childhood (even back to the womb) to discover root problems, in order to make changes in the present.

BUT, the eyes can’t see what the heart can’t hear. I wasn’t totally there. Gracious Holy Spirit continued to illumine my darkness.

A few years after my certification, I read Dr. Thomas Verny’s book, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child. Epiphanies sparked. This was after I had released the hope of motherhood. Previously, I had re-married to have children. At forty, there was a trauma that caused premature menopause.

God chose to stubble burn that field, and replant. Then, my mind was fertile to conceive God’s idea for my healing. Dr. Verny gave me a vocabulary for my, until then, unconscious perceptions.

You know that I don’t apologize for my unconventional avenues in seeking God and wholeness. So, anything I say that ruffles your spiritual beliefs, just place them on a shelf for future reference. This has been my habit for years. Time and again, I take to blowing dust off a few. This is one of those:

With my permission, a counselor took a walk through my spirit. (He is the only person I know gifted in doing this!) It’s sort of like a guided tour. Holy Spirit showed him what I needed to know about my spirit and heart, at that time.

There are some things he saw that I still don’t understand. But, one thing he saw, or didn’t see, has been the path of God’s breadcrumbs. He couldn’t find my heart. Nope. He couldn’t find it. That was around fifteen years ago.

Thus far, there’s been a lot of demolition. I had locked my heart behind so many doors with fortified walls that even I couldn’t find it. That’s why I said Dr. Verny gave me a vocabulary for my…“unconscious perceptions:” beliefs I formed from my mother’s thoughts, insecurities, and fears…while I was in her womb.

Know that your thoughts create your reality. Their energy draws the experiences to you.

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If you’re scratching your head, if this sounds “far-out,” Karol K. Truman’s Feelings BURIED ALIVE NEVER DIE…is the “TREK” for you. It’s a book illumining why feelings trigger our choices and behavior, moment to moment, day to day, year after year.

The first step is grasping your diagnosis of unconsciousness. Severity varies from person to person. A lifetime of unawareness, suppression, and denial affects us all, as does a closed heart.

When writing HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html , it was through the veil of my, then, present consciousness. Ever’ so often, I pick it up to reference something I’ve forgotten. Only a year after publishing it, I’m amazed at where I was headed—to my present consciousness, light years away from then. Before the above books, I think it can offer you a place to start.

The good news: You don’t have to wonder why you don’t see the forest for the trees, just look for green. You’ll find your path. Remember: green is the color for new beginnings, life, and love.

Bamboo can grow ninety-eight inches in 24 hours! God is a God of miracles.

AFFIRM: “God of creation, Your Divine plan in my life is speeded up under grace.”

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.” Proverbs 25:2 (NAS)

June 6, 2014June 8, 2014

Revelation Fireworks

As you probably do, I have several Bibles with varying translations. I even have a New Testament given to my dad (with his Sunday school teacher’s signatures) on June 8, 1934, when he was 13. I also have his pocket-size New Testament issued to him as an enlisted Marine.

My first bible (or the one I still have) is an “Authorized King James Version.” It’s undated, but my handwriting says it was a Christmas gift.

The reason I don’t have a church–presented bible is because I didn’t go up in front of the church with my Sunday school class to receive one. I felt that the only reason to be presented a bible was for a heart-changing belief, not an age or level in Sunday school. In defiance, I sat in the congregation. I digress.

The bible I’ve studied since 1978 is The Spirit Filled Life Bible, New King James Version. I can’t remember the translation I read in the late 60’s and early 70’s. I gave each new purchase away to the new hitch-hikers I picked up that week. I finally decided that if I was going to keep a bible, I’d have to switch to another version. Whatever.

I married in ‘72, wrecked in ’76, and bought this Spirit-Filled Life Bible in ’78. As you can only imagine, it is underlined, written between-the-lines, asterisk’d, has sticky pad Post-it® notes curled out from a multitude of pages, and has ink-stained dates of HS epiphanies; PLUS, it’s crammed with whatever-I-have-on-hand as book marks. I love my bible! But, I’m not good at regular “devotionals.” I can’t read a specific passage, contemplate it then, pray.

It’s rare for me to stay where I start because epiphany fireworks keep me chasing one reference after another…after another, you know; sort of like a storm chaser. The Trinity is one of my favorite “mystery clouds,” a brain-teaser, a conundrum. Try to grasp It:

God, the fountainhead, named Himself Yahweh, translated “Jehovah.” (Jehovah is believed to be a tense of the Hebrew verb “to be.”) Literally, it means, “He who causes to be.”

His eternal existence is still mind-boggling, but as a child “Who made God?” consumed my thoughts. Growing up on a farm, I understood the concept of a seed.
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The Son, God’s Word—Logos—by which all was created, is the agent of Creation (yet by Holy seed is God Incarnate), reveals Father to us, and is our Redeemer.

I AM existed before time, along with His expression—His Son, along with their production manager/minister Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit exists from the action of Father and Son’s Love. He mysteriously inspires us, mightily empowers us, and mercifully convicts us.

They were there before anything began!???

How can epiphanies/revelations/insights not spark! After all, the Bible IS The Word of God.

“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)

What’s one of your “fireworks?”

May 30, 2014February 17, 2015

Rabbits in the Marijuana Patch

Spoiler ALERT!!…for anyone who’s put me on a pedestal: Cushion YOUR FALL! I’ve had mine.

In my youth, this innocent, naïve, credulous ostrich married a drug addict. In spite of a “should o’ been honeymoon night eye-opener,” I didn’t catch on until months into our marriage; even then, denial clouded my knowledge of facts!

Though I was out to “save the world,” after months of observing his and his friend’s TOK-clouded (transcendence?) behavior, I became curious. Yeah.

Would you believe that he was in Law school, and I was in grad school? Anyway, I always studied away from the zombie fray, and in solitude—the graveyard behind my church. I hatched a “harebrained”experiment: “what is the influence of marijuana?” for after I studied for a final.

I knew how to roll a joint. I had watched it being done, MANY-A-TIME, on the little thingamajig they used. But before my “education,” I mistakenly threw one away. (I never fessed up, and guiltily searched everywhere along with the motley crue.) But, I must say: I rolled a beaut!

I don’t remember why I drove the Bronco, because I had a Monte Carlo, but I did. Middle afternoon, I parked behind the church, found my favorite tombstone, laid out my blanket, and studied until experiment thirty—dark. It was time to investigate the supposed “marijuana effect.” I knew exactly what to do.

I reverently removed it from the baggie; hesitant but determined. I struck the match, lit the end, held it close to—but not touching—my lips, sucked in deep, watching the red embers glow….

It was like someone karate-chopped my Adam’s apple! I couldn’t decide if I was going to die from the “hit” to my throat or lack of air from the coughing fit! Man…how stupid…golly-gee!

Everyone always took several hits so, after recovering, I took 2 lesser emphatic puffs…nothing. No euphoria. No “peace out.” Nothing. What was the fuss? That proved it. It must have been those pills they passed around.

I packed up and headed home.

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On the way, the steering column seemed to come out of the dash! OMG!

To be safe, I slowed down. While trying to maintain control, I had to overly rotate the steering wheel back-and-forth, and back-and-forth, and back-and-forth…like a child pretending to drive. To make things worse, some impatient driver behind me started honking and flashing his brights!

What’s his rush? Man!

I slowed down more. Who can be safe with people like that on the road?!

On the last stretch, I thought about the Zesty Cheese Tortillas in my pantry.

A.A. (After Awakening), not a P.S.:

In the 60’s, while in college, I remember a front page headline: “rabbits uprooting marijuana plants from the cannabis research patch.” I wondered how a rabbit could have that strength; and, how they got the plants out of the fenced field.

Now, I wonder if my ex was one of the “rabbits.”

May 23, 2014

Life and Crossword Puzzles

Are you stuck with no idea of what to do. No clue for your next move?

I think life is much like a crossword puzzle. Specific to each of us amidst the game, God designed a list of tasks. Our tasks intersect with other player’s “list of tasks,” like the “Across” and “Down.” At the juncture/square where we figure out the vertical and horizontal clues, with satisfaction we move on to the next task…as we do in the seasons of our lives.

I’m a BIG fan of crossword puzzles and always have a book nearby! Crossword puzzles entertain and exercise the brain. Whether easy or difficult, over time, they strengthen intellect, improve problem-solving skills, concentration, and memory, with the serendipitous benefit of increasing vocabulary and conversation skills. Hmmm.

If communication is a key to success in life then, these communication skills “cross” over with customers, fellow workers, managers, and loved ones to figure out, work through, and complete designated tasks.

When conscientiously reaching for the answers to life’s clues, satisfaction is inevitable…oh, and yeah: frustration is also an inevitability.
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Like the frustration of uncompleted tasks/unfilled-in squares that lead to dead ends with no solutions, error is a fact of life. All you can do is: learn from it, let it go, and start anew each day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

AFFIRM: “My happiness is built upon The Rock. No one, or anything, can interfere. Great is His faithfulness.”

For those of you who feel stuck, without a clue, my book HOW TO BE THE BEST YOU is a simple, practical guide to discover your potential and purpose in life. It’s chock full of hints and clues to get you back in the game. You can read more and purchase it here http://booklocker.com/books/6811.html
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