My sister, Candace, had to make the humane decision to euthanize her canine soul mate, Ella, a while back. (And, more recently, Moses from FeLV complications.)
Of course, I’d been privy to Ella’s mental decline and health issues, and had prayed as if her furry children were mine.
On that day, Candace had stopped in to drop off some plants, and to water some of my thirsty others. But, before picking up last-hope medications from her vet, she went home to check on Ella. As she left, I wondered what condition she would find Ella.
Within a couple of hours, I received the call, and her Facebook posting, that Ella had gone to her Creator.
As I was crying for her, her lose, her heart ache, my thoughts went back to my own loss: over a year ago, I had to make that decision for my almost 22-year-old feline soul mate, Cĭātĭ. I had cried and talked to Cĭātĭ about its inevitability for over 6 months.
Aside from Candace and Madeleine, I didn’t tell anyone. I grieved alone and cried in private. But, as I read her FB friend’s condolences, I became more aware of a room needing expansion—my heart—again. It seems that the more walls I break down, the more light is cast on where else I have “room to grow.”
If you’ve read my books, are a follower of my daily Facebook “Cyndex”es, or my weekly blog “Conversationswithcynthia,” you’re aware that I share the gleanings from my life choices. Some are wise. Some, witty; others woeful. Hopefully, they’ll prevent you from taking the same wrong turns. Here’s another:
Wearing an open heart is a two-edged sword. Yes, you will feel the thorns, but you won’t bleed alone. Don’t suffer in silence! Express your emotional vulnerability.
Not expressing emotions isn’t strong, admirable, or healthy. It comes from a misinformed belief—habit of mind—that emotions are senseless, that you’re unimportant, an inconvenience, or an accident…maybe, from shame.
I’m still learning to trust others, to share my heart hurts. I’m also learning that being vulnerable is a reciprocal blessing: it allows others to share the stab of pathos, and blesses you to know they care. It’s heart-enlarging.
Does yours need expansion?